My Omnipotent, Omni-Good God

This isn’t a post about singleness; it’s a post about something else I’ve been processing lately. I promise I’ll be back next time with more snarky singleness speculation.

My friend Cindy died 16 or 17 years ago.

My sister Karissa died almost 12 years ago.

A few weeks ago, I found out that I knew someone who had died in the Louisiana flooding.

Last Wednesday, my friend Susannah gave birth to a baby who died before she could even hold him.

Last weekend, my 20-something friend Brighton lost her husband of 5 weeks to a drunk driver.

I’ve cried a fair bit this week because of death. I miss my sister Karissa; I miss my friend Cindy every year around my birthday when I don’t see her perfect handwriting on a card addressed to me; my heart cries for Susannah and her husband and their families as they have to go home to a nursery and baby clothes and dreams that have died with their child/grandchild/nephew; Brighton’s new widowhood Read More

My Advice If You Want It

Photo Credit: Stephanie Garvey

I recently had a friend point out that I’ve written about what NOT TO say to a single person, but I’ve never written about what TO say.

So I thought it might be helpful to re-visit the list of things not to say and offer helpful suggestions instead. (I’ve even added a few things to this new and improved list.) Please do keep in mind that when you’re trying to be helpful, you should try to read the situation and person, and be sensitive to them individually. Read More

My Choice to be Single

I often, even on this blog, bemoan the fact that I’m single. I mean, there are good things about it, and I get to know Jesus in suffering and whatever. But it just occurred to me in the past couple of weeks (mostly because of a comment my dad made on a previous post – thanks, Dad) that I actually have chosen singleness. Do choose it. Am choosing it.

I kinda don’t like that. It’s easier to think of singleness as something that’s happening to me, something that has been chosen for me. I like to think that, if it were up to me, I would choose marriage and a family of my own. Yet, 33 years into this life, I have yet to make that choice.

For instance, when my best-ish guy friend asked me to be his girlfriend, I turned him down. More than once. When a guy I reconnected with after 10 years indicated that he might be interested in me as a future wife, I turned him down. Again. I’ve gone on dates only to firmly cut things off before the second date, and I’ve refused to give out my number to interested parties.

It’s not like this happens often. Read More

My Self-Worth

My friend said to me this week, “I’m going to wait for a better man, because I’m worth it.”

That got me to thinking about worthiness and what makes us worthy of certain things, like a certain level of man, a certain kind of job, or even a place in heaven at the end of this life.

The idea of “worth” implies a give and take, but also a certain amount of exclusivity:

  • I do this much work for you, I am worthy of that much pay (but not more than that).
  • You become this famous, you are worthy of getting into that party (but not that other one).
  • I make this much money, I am worthy to buy that house (but not that fancy one over there).
  • You make yourself this beautiful (or good or rich or attractive or powerful), you deserve that level of man as a husband (but save the really good ones for the women more worthy than you).

Some people say they’re worth something based solely on their humanity: I’m a person, so I am worth more than how you’re treating me. Nevertheless, the underlying statement is, “there’s something about me that makes me worth X amount – not more or less.”

I think this is a super easy trap to fall into as a single person. Like my friend, I’ve thought many times over the years, “I’m worth better than he’s treating me” or “He’s not worth my time” or even “I’m not worthy enough to get attention from that guy – I’ll just be over here batting my eyes at someone more on my level.”

But there’s a problem with thinking about worth that way. Read More

My Deserved Reward

The airplane’s wheels touched down in Portland, Oregon, and my heart jumped up and down in anticipation of seeing my family again. The plane took foreeeeeeverrrrrrrr to disgorge its passengers, until I could skip down the corridors of PDX, straining to see my family past the “No Re-entry” sign.

I’d been in Australia for a semester with 32 other American students, and I missed them already; but there’s nothing like the carpet at PDX to make you feel good about being back. Not only that, but I’d made it through college and would be graduating in a few days.

Despite everyone’s good intentions upon my departure to Australia a few months before, I did not actually find an Australian man to date. In fact, this conversation grew really old really fast: Read More