Book Review: 7 Myths about Singleness

7 Myths about Singleness

Spoiler alert: this book is great, and I think everyone should read it.

Before I was halfway through the first chapter, I was blown away; before I was done with the book, I was already recommending it to people. Also, it’s short and cute—like me!—so I was able to finish it in a day and a half without even trying. Okay, maybe with a little trying.

Sam Allberry is known in the Christian community for his work on friendship in singleness, and perhaps more broadly known for being someone who struggles with same-sex attraction (SSA) but chooses to live celibately because, Bible. I was interested to see how much of those two things would come into play in this book. The first one did—and so beautifully—and the second one didn’t at all.

The book is laid out with an introduction, 7 chapters (each corresponding to a myth about singleness), a conclusion, and an appendix. The meat of the book, unsurprisingly, is in the 7 chapters, which are titled:

  1. Singleness is Too Hard
  2. Singleness Requires a Special Calling
  3. Singleness Means No Intimacy
  4. Singleness Means No Family
  5. Singleness Hinders Ministry
  6. Singleness Wastes Your Sexuality
  7. Singleness is Easy

Perhaps one of the most charming, most utterly REAL things about this book is the juxtaposition and coexistence of the first and last truths. I felt like those two chapters alone validated all of my feelings about singleness and gave me words for things I didn’t know I needed words for.

I’m not going to go through and spoil each chapter, but I will touch on a few things that stuck out to me because of where I am in life right now. Read More

Advertisements

Online Dating: Part 2

I’ve been trying out dating on a free online dating site recently, and I thought I’d share some of my advice (Part 1) and experiences (Part 2).

These stories are offered without comment. The names have been withheld to protect the…ummm…innocent? This post is just for fun; my single friends who have tried online dating can probably attest that these things do happen.


MAN 1:

My profile: I love Jesus, volunteer at church, and am looking for a man who loves Jesus.

Man person: hi [insert opening line here]

Man person’s profile: Religion – nonreligious

Me: Hi, I’m looking for someone who loves Jesus and attends church regularly. Would you say that describes you?

Man person: yes, that’s totally me!

Me: great! Where do you go to church?

Man person: I’m looking for a church right now.

Me: Where do you live? I’ll recommend one. <proceeds to recommend local Reformed church in San Diego>

I’ve had this conversation AT LEAST A DOZEN TIMES. Read More

Online Dating: Part 1

It’s been a hot minute since I posted, and I didn’t really know if I ever would again. But I’ve been trying out dating on a free online dating site recently, and I thought I’d share some of my advice (Part 1) and experiences (Part 2).

The Blithe Bachelorette’s guide to online dating

1. Make sure you are the only human in your photos. If you are with another person of the same sex, we don’t know which one is you; if you are with a person of the opposite sex we don’t know if you are a player. If you are with a child or infant, we don’t know if he/she is yours. Pets and aliens are okay in pics.

2. No shirtless (or nearly shirtless) selfies. We don’t want you for your body. Yet. Wait until the wedding night for that.

3. Selfies should be taken from an angle showcasing your face, Read More

My Life Updates, and My Goodbyes

“This will probably be my last post,” I thought as I wrote the conclusion.

“Yep, I don’t know what else I have to say after this,” I thought as I read the post out loud to my roommate and tweaked a few things.

“I really don’t see my blog going past this week,” I iterated to myself as I posted to WordPress and chose a photo and tags.

“I should probably shut that thing down,” I mused about 10 minutes before another blog post idea started percolating.

And so it went, week after week, post after post, for over 2 years. Every week or month or 6 weeks or so, I’d have a new post idea, and I’d be so excited or scared or ready to share my thoughts and the Gospel and to tell people about Jesus, my Savior, my Best Friend, my future Husband…

I can’t even tell you how many good-bye posts I wrote in my head during my commute, only to get home and have something else to write instead. Read More

Guest Blogger – Anne

I want to tell more than just my stories on this blog; I want to get stories from other people – men, women, dating, single, living at home, living not at home, etc. So I recruited some guest bloggers. I’m excited to share Anne’s story with you today.


She came up and put her arm around my shoulders: “That’s so annoying when they do that isn’t it?”

“What?” I asked.

“Try to set you up with someone. I mean, you’re 30 and not dating, it’s pretty obvious you don’t ever want to get married.”

I was shocked! How could she assume just because I don’t have a boyfriend or start drooling when someone mentions they know a single male that I don’t want to get married? Sadly, prolonged singleness is becoming more common. As I age and wait for God to bring a man into my life…and struggle to understand His “no,” I’ve learned four lessons to not simply surviving, but thriving in the “wilderness” of singleness. Read More

My Good God Who Loves Me

About 3 weeks ago, I was home alone, and I was confronted with my deeply-seated, soul-ingrained desire for a husband. It wasn’t like my heart longed; it was like my soul ached, and I cried out to God with only groans.

For about 3 years, I’ve confronted all the ways and reasons I desire a man. I’ve written post after post after post, and they mostly follow the format: Desire – reason for desire – reason I’m believing a lie – truth – Gospel truth – Yay Jesus.

So on this particular day, I confronted my desire for a husband. I didn’t even know why I wanted one so badly; it took me a few minutes of talking to God to figure it out.

I finally realized, though, that I felt like my life wouldn’t begin until I had a husband.

Obviously, this is a lie. Obviously, I have a life (and a great one). But this lie was different; it refused to be covered up by slapping a few Gospel bumper-stickers on it or rooted up by throwing a couple of Bible verses at it. I deeply, deeply, for years – maybe even decades – had been believing this subtle lie that my life will begin when I’m married. It’s been embedded in the depths of my soul and woven into the fabric of my unconsciousness for as long as I can remember. So it took some major processing, praying, and digging to combat it with the truth. Read More

Just for Fun: Beauty of Jesus

I haven’t been blogging lately – not because I’m not processing the Gospel, but because I haven’t really been processing singleness. One of the things that occupied my time and thoughts the last 4-5 weeks has been a devotional talk I gave at a ladies event at my church today.

Just to prove that I’m still alive and thinking deep thoughts, here is the transcript of my 20-minute talk. Happy reading, friends!


How many of you, today, did something just to make yourself look pretty?

<show of hands>

What did you do to make yourself pretty? Tell me some things.

<pretty dress, lipstick, makeup, high heels, hairdo, etc.>

I know I tried to look pretty today. I put on this dress and did my nails and everything.

How many of you told someone else they look pretty today?

<show of hands>

Okay, last question (for now). How many of you when you were getting ready to come to the tea today got prettied up just so you could hear other people tell you how beautiful you are? Read More