My Forever Person

I’ve been having a rough time lately, I’m just gonna be real with you. I’ve been trying to get a business off the ground (and having to work 3 other part time jobs to support myself while I do that). I’m a deacon at my church; but now that I have actual responsibilities, I have no motivation to do them. A few months ago, I asked God to show me my sin and the ugliness of it; so now I’m having to confront some deeply-seated character flaws, and all of the soul-searching and repenting that comes along with that kind of sanctification.

On top of all of that, my roommate (who has been “my person” for almost 7 years) has fallen in love with the man of her dreams, and she’s spending more time and energy and emotions on that relationship than on ours – and even on my best days, when I’m most supportive and least jealous and happiest for their relationship, it still sucks. A lot. In ways I have yet to put into words. (And even though part of me knows that it’s okay to acknowledge the suckiness, I feel guilty for saying that publicly because it feels selfish to be anything but happy for her.)

Theeeeennnn, on top of all THAT, I picked online dating back up for a couple of weeks recently, and if that doesn’t cause you to question everything you knew about life and people and your self-worth, nothing will. (It’s not actually that dramatic, but you know me and my drama queen-ness – and my online dating stories, haha.)

Anyway, all that to say, I’ve been feeling a little…um, unraveled lately. There’s a lot to unpack there, and probably about 5 different ways I could take this post, but I want to talk about one thing that really kind of made me stop and think lately, and be thankful for Jesus.

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Our Identity in Christ: Who are We, and What are We Doing Here?

About 6 months ago, I spoke at my church and at another church, on the topic of “Our Identity in Christ.” Since it was advent season, I chose to narrow the focus to Jesus’ making his home with us (so we could make our home with him). Here are my “sermon notes” from that talk.


Good evening, Merry Christmas, everybody!

[explain Identity Theft and what it is, say I used it as inspiration tonight, and all the quotes I use are going to be from it.]

The title of my talk is “Who Are We, and What Are We Doing Here?” Who are we? And what are we doing here? I have 4 points – well, I have 2 questions for you to ponder, and 2 statements for you to digest – that I am going to point out as we go along.

Kat has been telling me all year about the Kaleo ladies’ meetings, and how you’ve been meeting to Gospel each other through singleness, motherhood, and marriage. Just hearing about the topics and discussions has been encouraging to me, and I don’t even go here! Actually, those three things lead nicely into our topic tonight, but I want to open it up even further. What are some other titles that define us or our relationships with other people? We have single, married, and mother, but what else is there? [open up the floor for answers – mother, sister, daughter, employee, etc.]

Now you don’t have to answer this question out loud, but think about it in your head: how often do you fail at being that thing that you just called out? Or how often to do you fail at being good at it?

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Book Review: 7 Myths about Singleness

7 Myths about Singleness

Spoiler alert: this book is great, and I think everyone should read it.

Before I was halfway through the first chapter, I was blown away; before I was done with the book, I was already recommending it to people. Also, it’s short and cute—like me!—so I was able to finish it in a day and a half without even trying. Okay, maybe with a little trying.

Sam Allberry is known in the Christian community for his work on friendship in singleness, and perhaps more broadly known for being someone who struggles with same-sex attraction (SSA) but chooses to live celibately because, Bible. I was interested to see how much of those two things would come into play in this book. The first one did—and so beautifully—and the second one didn’t at all.

The book is laid out with an introduction, 7 chapters (each corresponding to a myth about singleness), a conclusion, and an appendix. The meat of the book, unsurprisingly, is in the 7 chapters, which are titled:

  1. Singleness is Too Hard
  2. Singleness Requires a Special Calling
  3. Singleness Means No Intimacy
  4. Singleness Means No Family
  5. Singleness Hinders Ministry
  6. Singleness Wastes Your Sexuality
  7. Singleness is Easy

Perhaps one of the most charming, most utterly REAL things about this book is the juxtaposition and coexistence of the first and last truths. I felt like those two chapters alone validated all of my feelings about singleness and gave me words for things I didn’t know I needed words for.

I’m not going to go through and spoil each chapter, but I will touch on a few things that stuck out to me because of where I am in life right now. Read More

Online Dating: Part 2

I’ve been trying out dating on a free online dating site recently, and I thought I’d share some of my advice (Part 1) and experiences (Part 2).

These stories are offered without comment. The names have been withheld to protect the…ummm…innocent? This post is just for fun; my single friends who have tried online dating can probably attest that these things do happen.


MAN 1:

My profile: I love Jesus, volunteer at church, and am looking for a man who loves Jesus.

Man person: hi [insert opening line here]

Man person’s profile: Religion – nonreligious

Me: Hi, I’m looking for someone who loves Jesus and attends church regularly. Would you say that describes you?

Man person: yes, that’s totally me!

Me: great! Where do you go to church?

Man person: I’m looking for a church right now.

Me: Where do you live? I’ll recommend one. <proceeds to recommend local Reformed church in San Diego>

I’ve had this conversation AT LEAST A DOZEN TIMES. Read More

Online Dating: Part 1

It’s been a hot minute since I posted, and I didn’t really know if I ever would again. But I’ve been trying out dating on a free online dating site recently, and I thought I’d share some of my advice (Part 1) and experiences (Part 2).

The Blithe Bachelorette’s guide to online dating

1. Make sure you are the only human in your photos. If you are with another person of the same sex, we don’t know which one is you; if you are with a person of the opposite sex we don’t know if you are a player. If you are with a child or infant, we don’t know if he/she is yours. Pets and aliens are okay in pics.

2. No shirtless (or nearly shirtless) selfies. We don’t want you for your body. Yet. Wait until the wedding night for that.

3. Selfies should be taken from an angle showcasing your face, Read More

My Life Updates, and My Goodbyes

“This will probably be my last post,” I thought as I wrote the conclusion.

“Yep, I don’t know what else I have to say after this,” I thought as I read the post out loud to my roommate and tweaked a few things.

“I really don’t see my blog going past this week,” I iterated to myself as I posted to WordPress and chose a photo and tags.

“I should probably shut that thing down,” I mused about 10 minutes before another blog post idea started percolating.

And so it went, week after week, post after post, for over 2 years. Every week or month or 6 weeks or so, I’d have a new post idea, and I’d be so excited or scared or ready to share my thoughts and the Gospel and to tell people about Jesus, my Savior, my Best Friend, my future Husband…

I can’t even tell you how many good-bye posts I wrote in my head during my commute, only to get home and have something else to write instead. Read More

Guest Blogger – Anne

I want to tell more than just my stories on this blog; I want to get stories from other people – men, women, dating, single, living at home, living not at home, etc. So I recruited some guest bloggers. I’m excited to share Anne’s story with you today.


She came up and put her arm around my shoulders: “That’s so annoying when they do that isn’t it?”

“What?” I asked.

“Try to set you up with someone. I mean, you’re 30 and not dating, it’s pretty obvious you don’t ever want to get married.”

I was shocked! How could she assume just because I don’t have a boyfriend or start drooling when someone mentions they know a single male that I don’t want to get married? Sadly, prolonged singleness is becoming more common. As I age and wait for God to bring a man into my life…and struggle to understand His “no,” I’ve learned four lessons to not simply surviving, but thriving in the “wilderness” of singleness. Read More