My Thursday Thoughts

A LETTER TO MY FUTURE HUSBAND on March 2, 2017

I had a really hard day yesterday at work. There was a lot going on: visitors from corporate, a new trainee, supervisors getting frustrated, and generally a lot of expectations on me.

Then I came home (an hour late), and some friends came over for dinner, and my roommate was home unexpectedly. I love all those people, but I was overwhelmed, so overwhelmed. I kept thinking, “Too much! Too much!” and wondering when I could escape the overstimulation after an overworked day.

I finally crawled into bed, and all I wanted to do was have someone hold me. I wanted your arms to wrap around me and tell me it was going to be okay because you’re on my team. Wanted to fall asleep knowing I’m not alone.

But you weren’t there. Read More

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My Dead Dreams

I’ve wanted to be a wife and mother, ever since I knew what that was. (This is no surprise to anyone who knows or follows me.)

Sure, I’ve wanted to be other things: fashion designer, graphic designer, marine biologist, office manager, writer, editor, missionary, motivational speaker, press secretary for the White House… the list goes on.

I’ve achieved some of these dreams, I’ve outgrown some of them, and I’ve seen the common sense in giving up on others. I love my life, and I’m happy with the choices that have brought me to office management with designing, writing, editing, and doing nail art on the side.

Sure, there have been some dreams that God has taken away from me; but I can look back and see that He had a good plan. Two examples for you: Read More

My Unintended Success

I grew up in “poverty.” I never felt impoverished or marginalized, and we always had a place to live and meals to eat; but with so many (six) brothers and sisters, my dad in a ministry job, and my mom staying at home, there were many, many things we couldn’t afford, and the government said we were in “poverty.”

I realized early on that if I wanted stuff, I was going to have to pay for it. I started my first job when I was 9 years old, and I started buying all my own “extras” when I was 12. With each new job, I got paid more than the last, until here I am now – making more money with my one job than my dad does with three or four now, affording new dresses and movie tickets and Christmas gifts and plane tickets with minimal budgeting. If I had to, I could support a small family (probably – I’ve never tried).

In my 20’s, reveling in my independence and the amenities I could afford (amenities that my parents never could), I started to resent the fact that I might have to give it all up one day in order to be a stay-at-home mom. I LIKE shopping when I feel like it. I LIKE going out to dinner with friends or alone. I LIKE traveling to see friends or family out of state on short notice.

It actually quite stressed me out to think that someday I might have to give up my amenities in order for a husband to support me. I’d torture myself with thoughts like: What if he doesn’t make as much as I do now? What if he makes what I do, but we have to support two adults and a couple of kids on that salary? What if I can’t afford to go shopping and have to wear the same clothes for a couple of years?!  I DON’T WANT TO LOOK LIKE A HOMESCHOOL MOOOOOOOOM.

Even as I’d think these things, Read More