A LETTER TO MY FUTURE HUSBAND on March 2, 2017
I had a really hard day yesterday at work. There was a lot going on: visitors from corporate, a new trainee, supervisors getting frustrated, and generally a lot of expectations on me.
Then I came home (an hour late), and some friends came over for dinner, and my roommate was home unexpectedly. I love all those people, but I was overwhelmed, so overwhelmed. I kept thinking, “Too much! Too much!” and wondering when I could escape the overstimulation after an overworked day.
I finally crawled into bed, and all I wanted to do was have someone hold me. I wanted your arms to wrap around me and tell me it was going to be okay because you’re on my team. Wanted to fall asleep knowing I’m not alone.
But you weren’t there.
I woke up this morning to my too-early alarm because I have to go to work early to get caught up from yesterday. I rolled over and reached to the other side of the bed, and I was greeted with a cold pillow and a pile of clean laundry.
I wanted a life partner who could be there with me (even asleep would be fine!) and remind me that I’m not the only one trying to tip the scales in favor of life over work.
But you’re not here.
Most nights, I fall asleep in the strong arms of an everlasting Savior, complete and satisfied in Him. But last night, without your arms around me, I felt incomplete. I fell asleep praying about that.
Most mornings, I’m glad I can get up and work out and make noise without bothering anyone. Most mornings, I’m grateful that I don’t have to deal with someone else’s snooze alarm. But this morning, the cold laundry side of my bed isn’t a very good substitute for you.
With Jesus, I have a partner/support system Who reminds me that I don’t work without hope or purpose; Jesus is the One Who gives me the energy to keep serving where I’m planted, even – especially – at work; the One Who gives me grace to handle being overwhelmed and the people to text when I need prayer. I just really wished you were one of those people today.
I’m not naïve. I don’t expect you to take away all my problems or be a perfect support system all the time. But can’t you be here – just be here – today? I’d like to jump back into bed and snuggle my cold self against your warm self. I’d like to kiss you goodbye as I grab my keys and run out the door with a coffee in my hand.
Instead, I’m going to jump in the shower and start getting ready for work, I’m going to text the people who pray for me on my overwhelmed days, and I’m going to keep running to Jesus. I might even get around to folding the laundry.
I’m praying for you today, for your empty side of the bed and cold mornings. I’m praying that you will seek Jesus and not temporary comforts you’ll enjoy now and regret later; that you don’t snooze your alarm; that you will spend your single time wisely; work to the glory of God; live in the service of others; surround yourself with wise, godly people who can point you to Jesus when you’re lonely.
I guess I’m saying, I trust God with my present and our future. I just miss you right now.