I’m going to tell a story, but first, I need to tell the backstory:
About the time I let go of my list, my two best guy friends both got girlfriends. One of them had been my Back-up Plan (to marry if we were both tired of singleness at the same point, and no one better had come along); the other had been my Last Resort (to marry if we were both single and the last two people on earth).
Okay, on with the story!
The window is clean, but I can’t really see through it. It’s the window to my future.
My “List of Things I Want in a Man” is taped to the window. I like looking at it; it’s comforting, and it’s known. It doesn’t bother me to not see through the window, when I can see my pretty list instead.
God: take it down.
Me: I don’t want to take it down! It’s been there forever, and I’m comfortable with it. FINE, I’ll take it down.
[Deep Breath] Riiiiiiiiip!
Whoa, I can see – what is that? – oh my goodness, it’s Jesus. Why did I ever want to look at this list instead of at Jesus? I’m so dumb.
*CRASH* Something just fell off the window sill. It’s “Back-up Plan.”
*CRASH* And there goes “Last Resort.”
Jesus! You’re so much clearer now. When I look to the future, all I can see is You. Thank you, thank you for taking my “List of Things I Want in a Man” – and for knocking the idols off of my window sill.
But I’m good now, thanks. That’s all. Excuse me while I go over here and make a List of Eligible Bachelors to tape to the window.
That’s pretty much what happened (metaphorically speaking, anyway). Having let go of my first list, I found the need to replace it with one of “Men I Think Are Dateable.”
The list included the obligatory celebrities (Josh Groban, Zachary Levi, etc.), the men I’d date in a heartbeat, and the ones I’d have to pray about before saying yes or no to them.
Yes, this list was also broken into categories.
Sigh. I knew (and even said several times) that “God’s list only has one name on it.”
SIDE NOTE: I’ve read dozen of debates about whether each person has a “The One,” or whether each person could conceivably marry any one of several compatible people. Maybe I’m a hopeless romantic, but I believe in “The One” – which no one would ever know by looking at my list.
Without consulting me first, God had a plan to take away that list, too.
Due to a couple of blog posts I read (nothing specific – just general ones going around) and one poignant conversation with my roommate (which I can’t go into because then the purposely ambiguous timeline of this story might be revealed), that list came down almost of its own accord, and I was done with it.
No agonizing, no arguments with God, no pried-open fingers or reluctant whining. God just gently removed it from the window and reminded me that His plan is better.
And Jesus was more beautiful than ever (Psalm 27:4). My beautiful guarantee.
No matter what happens in life and romance and blogging and everything, He reminds me that nothing – no list or plan or timeline or person – will ever be more pleasing (Psalm 16:11), more satisfying (John 4:13-14), or more guaranteed than He is (John 10:28-29).
And THAT’S why Jesus is my drug of choice.