Category: Gospel-Centered Singleness

Guest Blogger: Chelsea

.Reading time 11 minutes.

Hey guys, I’ve been kind of crazy lately with a ton of life events (I promise to catch you all up soon, I promise!). In the meantime, my Internet friend Chelsea wrote a post in one of our mutual Facebook groups, and I asked her to turn it into a blog post.

What you need to know about Chelsea: She is dating the love of her life, Quinn, and she blogs over at simpleadulting.com. Check it out and give her some encouragement over there!

On with Chelsea’s story…

I’m writing this at 1:45 am because that’s what time I finally made it to my house after my flight got delayed today. I will probably regret this tomorrow even though I’m posting it well after I’ve written it.

Read More

My Forever Person

.Reading time 10 minutes.

I’ve been having a rough time lately, I’m just gonna be real with you. I’ve been trying to get a business off the ground (and having to work 3 other part time jobs to support myself while I do that). I’m a deacon at my church; but now that I have actual responsibilities, I have no motivation to do them. A few months ago, I asked God to show me my sin and the ugliness of it; so now I’m having to confront some deeply-seated character flaws, and all of the soul-searching and repenting that comes along with that kind of sanctification.

On top of all of that, my roommate (who has been “my person” for almost 7 years) has fallen in love with the man of her dreams, and she’s spending more time and energy and emotions on that relationship than on ours – and even on my best days, when I’m most supportive and least jealous and happiest for their relationship, it still sucks. A lot. In ways I have yet to put into words. (And even though part of me knows that it’s okay to acknowledge the suckiness, I feel guilty for saying that publicly because it feels selfish to be anything but happy for her.)

Theeeeennnn, on top of all THAT, I picked online dating back up for a couple of weeks recently, and if that doesn’t cause you to question everything you knew about life and people and your self-worth, nothing will. (It’s not actually that dramatic, but you know me and my drama queen-ness – and my online dating stories, haha.)

Anyway, all that to say, I’ve been feeling a little…um, unraveled lately. There’s a lot to unpack there, and probably about 5 different ways I could take this post, but I want to talk about one thing that really kind of made me stop and think lately, and be thankful for Jesus.

Read More

Book Review: 7 Myths about Singleness

.Reading time 11 minutes.

7 Myths about Singleness

Spoiler alert: this book is great, and I think everyone should read it.

Before I was halfway through the first chapter, I was blown away; before I was done with the book, I was already recommending it to people. Also, it’s short and cute—like me!—so I was able to finish it in a day and a half without even trying. Okay, maybe with a little trying.

Sam Allberry is known in the Christian community for his work on friendship in singleness, and perhaps more broadly known for being someone who struggles with same-sex attraction (SSA) but chooses to live celibately because, Bible. I was interested to see how much of those two things would come into play in this book. The first one did—and so beautifully—and the second one didn’t at all.

The book is laid out with an introduction, 7 chapters (each corresponding to a myth about singleness), a conclusion, and an appendix. The meat of the book, unsurprisingly, is in the 7 chapters, which are titled:

  1. Singleness is Too Hard
  2. Singleness Requires a Special Calling
  3. Singleness Means No Intimacy
  4. Singleness Means No Family
  5. Singleness Hinders Ministry
  6. Singleness Wastes Your Sexuality
  7. Singleness is Easy

Perhaps one of the most charming, most utterly REAL things about this book is the juxtaposition and coexistence of the first and last truths. I felt like those two chapters alone validated all of my feelings about singleness and gave me words for things I didn’t know I needed words for.

I’m not going to go through and spoil each chapter, but I will touch on a few things that stuck out to me because of where I am in life right now. Read More

My Life Updates, and My Goodbyes

.Reading time 5 minutes.

“This will probably be my last post,” I thought as I wrote the conclusion.

“Yep, I don’t know what else I have to say after this,” I thought as I read the post out loud to my roommate and tweaked a few things.

“I really don’t see my blog going past this week,” I iterated to myself as I posted to WordPress and chose a photo and tags.

“I should probably shut that thing down,” I mused about 10 minutes before another blog post idea started percolating.

And so it went, week after week, post after post, for over 2 years. Every week or month or 6 weeks or so, I’d have a new post idea, and I’d be so excited or scared or ready to share my thoughts and the Gospel and to tell people about Jesus, my Savior, my Best Friend, my future Husband…

I can’t even tell you how many good-bye posts I wrote in my head during my commute, only to get home and have something else to write instead. Read More

Guest Blogger – Anne

.Reading time 10 minutes.

I want to tell more than just my stories on this blog; I want to get stories from other people – men, women, dating, single, living at home, living not at home, etc. So I recruited some guest bloggers. I’m excited to share Anne’s story with you today.

She came up and put her arm around my shoulders: “That’s so annoying when they do that isn’t it?”

“What?” I asked.

“Try to set you up with someone. I mean, you’re 30 and not dating, it’s pretty obvious you don’t ever want to get married.”

I was shocked! How could she assume just because I don’t have a boyfriend or start drooling when someone mentions they know a single male that I don’t want to get married? Sadly, prolonged singleness is becoming more common. As I age and wait for God to bring a man into my life…and struggle to understand His “no,” I’ve learned four lessons to not simply surviving, but thriving in the “wilderness” of singleness. Read More

My Good God Who Loves Me

.Reading time 14 minutes.

About 3 weeks ago, I was home alone, and I was confronted with my deeply-seated, soul-ingrained desire for a husband. It wasn’t like my heart longed; it was like my soul ached, and I cried out to God with only groans.

For about 3 years, I’ve confronted all the ways and reasons I desire a man. I’ve written post after post after post, and they mostly follow the format: Desire – reason for desire – reason I’m believing a lie – truth – Gospel truth – Yay Jesus.

So on this particular day, I confronted my desire for a husband. I didn’t even know why I wanted one so badly; it took me a few minutes of talking to God to figure it out.

I finally realized, though, that I felt like my life wouldn’t begin until I had a husband.

Obviously, this is a lie. Obviously, I have a life (and a great one). But this lie was different; it refused to be covered up by slapping a few Gospel bumper-stickers on it or rooted up by throwing a couple of Bible verses at it. I deeply, deeply, for years – maybe even decades – had been believing this subtle lie that my life will begin when I’m married. It’s been embedded in the depths of my soul and woven into the fabric of my unconsciousness for as long as I can remember. So it took some major processing, praying, and digging to combat it with the truth. Read More

My Thursday Thoughts

.Reading time 5 minutes.

A LETTER TO MY FUTURE HUSBAND on March 2, 2017

I had a really hard day yesterday at work. There was a lot going on: visitors from corporate, a new trainee, supervisors getting frustrated, and generally a lot of expectations on me.

Then I came home (an hour late), and some friends came over for dinner, and my roommate was home unexpectedly. I love all those people, but I was overwhelmed, so overwhelmed. I kept thinking, “Too much! Too much!” and wondering when I could escape the overstimulation after an overworked day.

I finally crawled into bed, and all I wanted to do was have someone hold me. I wanted your arms to wrap around me and tell me it was going to be okay because you’re on my team. Wanted to fall asleep knowing I’m not alone.

But you weren’t there. Read More

My Recent Adulting

.Reading time 8 minutes.

I turned 34 this week. Gosh, I love being in my 30’s. I threw myself a pizza party, baked and decorated myself a cake, bought “Happy Birthday” plates and pink stripey napkins, and invited adult friends over who gave me flowers as gifts. I love it all.

Most days, I even love being single in my 30’s. I have friends my age whose kids are in middle school now, and I wonder when they ever had time to figure out themselves. I have friends with 6 kids, friends with a divorce or two, and friends with incredible how-I-met-your-mother stories. When I look at their lives, I don’t know how they do it, and I’m just so glad that God has given me the life I have.

(I even found out this week that some of the little girls at church think Nicole and I are SO COOL for being independent women and roommates in our own cute little apartment. We are pretty cool, aren’t we?)

What I don’t love so much is the level of adulting required some days. When I was a kid, I thought being an adult was 90% fun and 10% work. And some days, it really is. But these past couple of months have required some serious adulting. At a couple of points, I even had to fight back the lie that I could have dealt with my problems better if I’d had a husband to help me out. Read More

My Future Perceptions

.Reading time 7 minutes.

This past month, my mind has swirled with questions…

  • When do I buy a house? Where? What should my savings goals for 2017 be in order to accomplish them?
  • When do I start classes to foster kids? Where? What would that look like with a roommate and a one-hour commute each way each weekday?
  • When do I try to move forward with my career? Where? What if I’m not cut out for the career I’ve chosen?
  • When do I find time to write? Where? What if my roommate never gets a job, and I’m never home alone to find time to write again?!
  • When will I get married? Where? What can I do to speed up this process?

For a couple of weeks, I’d take my questions to God, and I’d give him the swirled jumble of my thoughts and emotions, and I’d know I was heard. But since He didn’t give me answers right away, I’d take the burden of them back upon myself and let them swirl around me and try to sort through them by myself.

I was basically trying to figure out my whole future, right now. And if not completely figure it out, at least figure out what I could do right now to work toward the future I want.

It was exhausting.

I didn’t even realize how exhausting it was until Read More

My Omnipotent, Omni-Good God

.Reading time 8 minutes.

This isn’t a post about singleness; it’s a post about something else I’ve been processing lately. I promise I’ll be back next time with more snarky singleness speculation.

My friend Cindy died 16 or 17 years ago.

My sister Karissa died almost 12 years ago.

A few weeks ago, I found out that I knew someone who had died in the Louisiana flooding.

Last Wednesday, my friend Susannah gave birth to a baby who died before she could even hold him.

Last weekend, my 20-something friend Brighton lost her husband of 5 weeks to a drunk driver.

I’ve cried a fair bit this week because of death. I miss my sister Karissa; I miss my friend Cindy every year around my birthday when I don’t see her perfect handwriting on a card addressed to me; my heart cries for Susannah and her husband and their families as they have to go home to a nursery and baby clothes and dreams that have died with their child/grandchild/nephew; Brighton’s new widowhood Read More