I’ve been having a rough time lately, I’m just gonna be real with you. I’ve been trying to get a business off the ground (and having to work 3 other part time jobs to support myself while I do that). I’m a deacon at my church; but now that I have actual responsibilities, I have no motivation to do them. A few months ago, I asked God to show me my sin and the ugliness of it; so now I’m having to confront some deeply-seated character flaws, and all of the soul-searching and repenting that comes along with that kind of sanctification.
On top of all of that, my roommate (who has been “my person” for almost 7 years) has fallen in love with the man of her dreams, and she’s spending more time and energy and emotions on that relationship than on ours – and even on my best days, when I’m most supportive and least jealous and happiest for their relationship, it still sucks. A lot. In ways I have yet to put into words. (And even though part of me knows that it’s okay to acknowledge the suckiness, I feel guilty for saying that publicly because it feels selfish to be anything but happy for her.)
Theeeeennnn, on top of all THAT, I picked online dating back
up for a couple of weeks recently, and if that doesn’t cause you to question everything
you knew about life and people and your self-worth, nothing will. (It’s not
actually that dramatic, but you know me and my drama queen-ness – and my online
dating stories, haha.)
Anyway, all that to say, I’ve been feeling a little…um, unraveled
lately. There’s a lot to unpack there, and probably about 5 different ways I could
take this post, but I want to talk about one thing that really kind of made me
stop and think lately, and be thankful for Jesus.