Tag: gospel-centered singleness

My Impossible Standards

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“I’m thinking about starting a blog,” I said to Diane. I was painting her nails at her house.

“Oh, what about?” she asked.

“Singleness in the church,” I replied as I opened the next color.

“Oh yeah?” she said, interested. “I was single until I was in my 40’s.”

I pried further and found out much of her story. Diane was born with cerebral palsy, and she assumed she’d never get married. Then in her early 40’s, she met a man who asked her out. He also had never been married. Five years later, when Diane was 46, they shared their first kiss at their wedding.

The part that struck me about her story was not that Read More

My Lonely Life

.Reading time 9 minutes.

In May of 2014, I sat down to write a list of all the lies I’d ever believed about myself or God because of my singleness. I countered it with a list of truths about Jesus that I’d learned because of those lies.

As I was writing the list (which eventually became this blog), I started thinking about what a unique situation I have (Translation: how weird I am). “For sure I’m the only 31-year-old virgin in the WHOLE WORLD,” I groaned.

And as I continued on with the list, I felt lonelier and lonelier. I’ve never been one to wallow in loneliness, but I’ve certainly felt all alone even in the midst of crowds, family, or friends. “If only I had a man,” I would think, “I’d have someone to talk to/hang out with/escape with.”

Loneliness has led some of my friends to drastic decisions: “I called my ex-girlfriend because I was lonely,” “I married him because I just didn’t want to be alone,” “We slept together because we were both lonely.” Read More

My Apologies

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“So…is there a guy in your life?”

I’ve heard it a million times, in half a million different ways:

From the little girls in church. “When are you going to get married, Miss Charity? We want to come to your wedding!”

From the well-meaning relatives. “Your younger sisters are married. When is it going to be your turn?”

From the people I haven’t seen in a while. “So tell me…are you seeing anyone?”

From my married friends. “Marriage is wonderful. You DO want to be married, right?”

From my single friends. Read More

My Repulsive Self

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I rounded the corner of 2014 and stared at my looming 31st birthday – yet another birthday and Valentine’s Day without a boyfriend. I wanted a Valentine this year, and I sighed as the day neared again with only the prospect of a call from my dad and a card from my roommate.

I’d long since given up the idea that something must be wrong with men in general because I was still single. My thoughts turned to my now-defunct lists, and how I used to have so many “deal-breakers” when it came to men.

He has blonde hair? He’s out. His last name is weird? He’s out. He doesn’t agree with me on some minor theological point? He’s out.

So if there was no more list and nothing wrong with men in general, there must be something wrong with me, I mused. It must be because there is some deal breaker about me, something that makes men take one look and say “she’s out.”

Clearly, if I could fix that thing (or those things), then I wouldn’t be single anymore, I told myself. Read More

My Back-Up Plan and My Last Resort

.Reading time 5 minutes.

I’m going to tell a story, but first, I need to tell the backstory:

About the time I let go of my list, my two best guy friends both got girlfriends. One of them had been my Back-up Plan (to marry if we were both tired of singleness at the same point, and no one better had come along); the other had been my Last Resort (to marry if we were both single and the last two people on earth).

Okay, on with the story!

The window is clean, but I can’t really see through it. It’s the window to my future.

My “List of Things I Want in a Man” is taped to the window. I like looking at it; it’s comforting, and it’s known. It doesn’t bother me to not see through the window, when I can see my pretty list instead.

God: take it down.

Me: I don’t want to take it down! It’s been there forever, and I’m comfortable with it. FINE, I’ll take it down.

[Deep Breath] Riiiiiiiiip! Read More

Guest Blogger – Ryan

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I wanted to tell more than just my stories on this blog; I wanted to get stories from other people – men, women, dating, single, living at home, living not at home, etc. So I recruited some guest bloggers. I’m excited to share Ryan’s story with you today.

It is a privilege to write a few of my thoughts about singleness, and I have been encouraged by Charity’s thoughtful and gospel-centered writings about this subject. We all long to belong. God has placed eternity in the heart of man (Ecclesiastes 3:11) and there is an intense desire to find fulfillment and purpose in our lives.

Many of us, like myself, have struggled with singleness, yet Scripture makes it clear that there is a calling within the church to edify the body of Christ through the gifts He gives to the church. For some of us, the notion of being single is hard to grasp, and for others there is a reluctance to trust God, wondering if the right person will come along to share life together.

I have wondered the same thing now, having just turned 40, which I am thinking is my new 30 (at least that is what I tell myself). For me, singleness has been hard to deal with; yet I have also enjoyed its benefits, all the while knowing that God Read More

A Poem for You All

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AAAAAHHHH!!! With the busy-ness of moving and traveling and gaining a new roommate, I TOTALLY did not have time to blog this week.

Sooo…here is a video that was a major factor in my deciding to start this blog. I especially love the bit about not listening to friends and family who are worried about your (God’s) timeline.

Also, two people this week have said something like, “You’re so cute. What is wrong with men everywhere?”

I would just like to point out that I don’t want to marry “Men everywhere.” I just want to marry one person. And, besides being an insult to men everywhere, that idea (when I dwell on it) has led me in the past to believe awful things about my future husband – things like, he must be out there being stupid, he’s goofing off, he’s dead. You know, stuff like that.

So, the “Charity is so adorable. Why doesn’t she have a husband?” question is officially going on the list of things that are sooooo not helpful – no matter how well-meant.

My Idolatrous List

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Once upon a time, I met a man. This man was absolutely everything on my “list of things I want in a husband.” He scored 100% in the non-negotiable column, 100% in the would-be-nice-to-have column, and 100% in the bonus-features column.

Yes, my list was broken down into columns.

For months, I watched him and got to know him, ticking off bullet point after bullet point on my list. I got excited, thinking, “Surely he’s The One. Surely God has finally brought him to me.”

And then I found out that he didn’t like me back.

I clearly remember running errands that day, talking to God the whole time. Our conversation went something like this.

Me: Okay, God, so there’s gotta be a reason he doesn’t like me. Maybe he will, but it’s not Your timing yet. Maybe there’s someone else who is 110% of my list. Maybe…

God: Charity, why do you have a list in the first place? Read More

Guest Blogger – Mandy

.Reading time 5 minutes.

I wanted to tell more than just my stories on this blog; I wanted to get stories from other people – men, women, dating, single, living at home, living not at home, etc. So I recruited some guest bloggers. I’m excited to share Mandy’s story with you today.

The following is an email interview I had with Mandy.

Give us a quick snapshot of your life. 

I am a 28-year-old woman living on my own with no roommates—unless you count my precious pet snake Curly Brace. (Bet you never thought you’d hear someone call a snake “precious”.) I’m totally single and haven’t really had a “dating life” for 4+ years.

How does your singleness affect your relationships with:

  1. Family members

My family treats me like I’m a valuable human being whatever my stage in life. I’ve recently realized how much I take that for granted; I’ve talked to some other single women who despair over how much nagging they receive from family to get married.

     2. The church Read More

My Barren Womb

.Reading time 13 minutes.

About a year and a half ago, I started counting down the months to my 35th birthday.

When I was 12, I counted down the days until I became a teenager. Then at 20, I counted down to adulthood. At 29, I counted down to a new decade. But now, I’m counting down the number of months I have left as a fertile woman. (42, this month.)

Everyone tells me that after 35 years old, it’s a lot harder to get pregnant than before. To them, I say: try getting pregnant when you’re not having sex. Except for medical or Holy Spirit intervention, it’s pretty much impossible.

I had a guy friend ask me the other day if virgins have the same biological clock as married women.

Yes. Yes, we do. Read More